Conflict & Communication

Conflict Modes (Thomas-Kilmann)

Five ways to handle conflict — and when each one fits.

A model of five conflict-handling modes along two axes: assertiveness (your concerns) and cooperativeness (their concerns). No mode is "best" — each fits a situation, and reaching for the same one every time is the trap.

When to use it

To choose a deliberate response to a dispute instead of a reflex.

How to use it

1Competing (assertive, uncooperative) — for emergencies or matters of principle.
2Accommodating (cooperative, unassertive) — when the issue matters more to them.
3Avoiding — to buy time on a low-stakes issue.
4Compromising — for a quick, fair middle ground.
5Collaborating (assertive + cooperative) — for high-stakes, durable solutions.

Takeaway

Match the mode to the moment — collaborate when the relationship and the stakes are both high.

Learn this in a course

Building a Partnership: Common Interest & FQHC Success

Related frameworks

The Ladder of Inference

LARA — for hard conversations

The De-escalation Ladder

All frameworks